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No. 5: Fashion is shocking

Updated: May 10, 2018

What am I doing in this frock? I was invited to model the work of some students at St. Martin's College of Art in London. Usually I would decline such offers; you never know what you might end up in. This time, however, I was urged by my producers to accept and use this opportunity to do some research into impending fashions. We have intentions of our own, you'll be pleased to hear, to produce a line of Gamine designs to be bought and worn by the general populace.

After trying on a number of gowns I began to feel sorry for the students of this prestigious establishment. I had the impression that each student was trying desperately hard to do something different. In their flurry of originality it looked like these young people had become oblivious to fashion - not their objective, it is only natural to assume.

One dress had nothing to cover the bottom or the top parts of the body (which are traditionally deemed the most vital), instead there was a tail at the front and back, and what I believe was a puppy dog's face attached at the bottom. It is hard to visualise, I know, but out of consideration for my readers I consider this a good thing.

Many of the students had chosen a combination of colours that was simply wrong, and the result was highly unaesthetic and far from interesting. It is true that unfastening conventional ideas of correct proportions or colour combinations can be interesting, but it has to be done by the sensitive hand of a practised aesthetician. Wrong for wrong's sake is wrong, darling; I'd love to see an example that proves me wrong, but if you were to provide me with one I'd be bound to say that you were wrong.

Apart from being horrified by actually wearing things so unstylish, I did find the experience intriguing enough to agree to another modelling assignment for a very discreet Paris fashion magazine. If you happen to come across it, by the way, I did not choose the outfit. The clothes for this fashion shoot were extraordinarily ugly, but I think they were supposed to be.

Yes, fashion can be shocking! Ultimately, what I have gained is the knowledge that when Gamine launches its own fashion line the world will be shocked at its beauty, glamour, elegance and seduction.


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